Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
