Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
