I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
