Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
