how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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