i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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