She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize