I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
