Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
