After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
