It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
We're too hungover to prance.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
