i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
