eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
