so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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