you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
