You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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