question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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