Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
