I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Randomize
