If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
