I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
