what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Randomize
