I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
