booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
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