i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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