Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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