if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
