I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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