I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize
