420 ftw
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
