When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
