If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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