I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
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