We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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