I feel like I'm in dance class right now
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Randomize
