when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
