at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
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