i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
