Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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