All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Randomize
