why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Randomize
