i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
