He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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