their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
MIDGETS
????
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
