i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
