U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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