Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
