Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
