I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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