We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
