There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
