my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
