I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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