dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize
