I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
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