so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
