I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Randomize
