it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
