there's paper in my vomit.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
