My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
