i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
