no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
you made out with another girl for some wings
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
