She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Randomize
