We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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