my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I love you. Go after that dick
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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