Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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