It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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