Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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