I am in a vortex of obligation.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize