We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
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