we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
