So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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