you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
