Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
